I know that I shouldn't

I know that I won't be able to sleep tonight.

I am thinking... whether I am angry? Or worried? Or sad? Or what?

I don't like it when someone doesn't keep their promises, I don't like it when an important person doesn't keep his promises. Especially when... I didn't ask for it.

I think I am angry, and sad, becos I hate waiting, I hate that I am waiting for someone, becos I don't have more important things to do, but he has more important things to be doing rather than telling me that he is OK, or what he is doing which is more important than me.

I want to be angry, but... I feel that I am not, becos there is no point to be angry. To be angry, you need to let that other person know that you are, or else what is the point?

He is not receiving anything kind of communication from anywhere. So what is the point to say anymore?

I want to say that I will wait for my turn eventually. But... I don't want to wait.

I am suddenly thinking... Who am I? What am I? Why I am always the one who is waiting? When he says he wants to see me, I wait for him, I wait for his messages, I wait for his calls, I wait... I am looking towards everyday, to the next time when I will see him, when I will touch him.

I feel that I am so... useless, and so... pointless. When my world seems to be going around just one thing, but... I am not really that important to that one thing.

I hate myself. Becos I know that I won't be able to sleep tonight, however, losing sleep will not make any difference. He doesn't even know that you are doing what you are doing.

Has he asked you what you would be doing, where you would be going tonight? Has he told you what he would be doing tonight? Does he want to know? The fairest thing to say is... I don't know whether he wants to know.

To be fair, I haven't felt like this for a long time, becos I thought... I guess I thought this would never happen again. Him disappearing and me losing sleep.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what is the right thing to do.

I think I should follow my heart, but I hate it when... I don't know what my heart is thinking...

I hate to be a nagging girlfriend, asking why why why all the time, but at the same time I hate inconsistency. If he is with his phone, why hasn't he see my messages? If he is OK, why hasn't he written to me? If he is not with his phone, then where is it? Do I have to worry about him? Do I have to worry about his phone?

Sometimes I just need an explanation for the inconsistency to put my mind at rest, but now I am not getting it, and when I am not getting this, I become agitated and so I can't sleep.

Then I am constantly waiting, waiting, waiting and waiting for this explanation, but I just hate waiting.